Coming back from theological meetings in New Orleans, it's time for my annual ETS awards, given to the most irrelevant (if one goes by the titles) papers presented. As far as I know, they could be some of the most fascinating, life changing, soul searching works ever presented by scholars—but I have serious doubts. So here they are:
- “Between Scylla and Charybdis: Presuppositionalism, Circular Reasoning, and the Charge of Fideism”
- “The Contribution of Pente-Hexoglossia to an Understanding of the Nature of NT Greek with Implications for Exegesis”
- “A Newish Argument Against Humanism”
- “Reconsidering the Archaeology and Boundaries of Urartu”
- “Theodicy in Romans: An Inter-textual Exploration of Romans 1 and the Habakkuk Targum”
Missing were some of the more interesting ones like last year’s—
- “Would Jesus Eat a Whopper?”
- “Castration for the Kingdom”
My own contribution to all of this was a paper I presented entitled: “Is Apostolic Leadership the Key to the Missional Church?” (Attached to this blog if you want to read). Somewhere, this title has probably made the irrelevant list of some blogger (who is probably a Semitic scholar or member of a philosophical society). If I stayed on for a broader set of theological meetings, I may have heard a paper on Wiccans and their parallel work with ancient OT priests.
What amazes me most are not the papers but the presentations themselves. How 1500 educators can be so oblivious to any pedagogical rules is beyond me. Flight attendant instructions before take-off can be scintillating by comparison. There seems to be a number of unwritten rules in force. Here are some—
- Read every word, line by line, droning on in a dull, monotonous voice.
- Avoid any gestures, facial expressions, or variance in tones—especially if they might enhance communication and engage the listener.
- Do not make eye contact with your audience, as this could suggest you are aware they are there.
- Use long, obscure words wherever possible.
- Attempt to use the whole time allotted for reading so as to avoid time for questions that might challenge any conclusions.
- In the event a question slips in, try to be vague in your response, suggesting that your answer transcends the question.
- Any annoying habits (going up an octave), looking at the back of the room, wearing a tie from the 60’s—are all encouraged.
- Refrain from humor. Theological academicians would not get it anyway.
- Treat those who disagree as idiots from another planet.
- Select a title no one would understand or find relevant.
They are not all this bad. Some are actually amazing, but it can be like finding a piece of antique furniture in an old warehouse. Hence, I will probably submit to this exercise again next year, and submit others to the similar pain they have inflicted on me.